Life is not always a breeze. We all go through some really tough times, life is just full of ups and downs. But some of us can stay stuck, feeling completely alone and as a result, suffer in silence.
According to the Mental Health Foundation, ‘2 in 3 people report having experienced a mental health problem in their lifetime.’
That is a lot of people. But do you know how to spot the signs, or support someone suffering with a mental health problem?
It’s not always obvious when someone is not feeling happy, stable, or themselves. Some people are very open about their mental wellbeing, others… not so much. Regardless, it can be hard when you are not sure how you can support your friend or family member. It’s not your job to know exactly what is wrong and how to make them ‘better’. However, it is important that you are able to spot the signs and support them, as well as take care of yourself.
*Not a medical professional, nor do I want to upset or offend anyone. This is just based on research and personal experience. I am a huge advocate for supporting people with mental health problems and want to raise awareness. I do believe if you are suffering or someone you know is suffering, to seek professional help. But when you have friends, colleagues or family members who may be suffering, it is nice to have a little support yourself and know that you are not alone.
Here are some top tips on how to support someone with their mental health.
What is a mental health problem?
No two people will have the same mental health problem, or even the same symptoms. Symptoms are not always obvious to other people, but this does not mean there is not something wrong. Sometimes, if you are close to the person in question, you may well notice a change in behaviour or mood.
Before getting into the common mental health problems, I feel it is important to discuss the fact there are huge misconceptions around mental health problems. It is important to point out that:
- We all have mental health and it is an integral part of our wellbeing
- Not all symptoms are the same
- Not all mental health problems are visible or ‘obvious’ to other people
- Having a mental health problem is not a sign of weakness and should be treated as serious as any other illness
You may be aware of mental health by the terms ‘anxiety’, ‘depression’ and ‘bipolar’, for example.
This is correct, but it goes much deeper than that and a lot of people think these ‘problems’ are not a big deal. But do not underestimate the power they hold over someone. That is why it is really important to be sensitive and supportive towards your friends, colleagues or family members who may be suffering with a mental health problem.
Our mental health is a combination of thinking, communication, emotions, behaviour, self-esteem, emotional and physical wellbeing. Mental health problems are diagnosable health conditions, when there has been a significant change and decline in ones behaviour, functioning, thinking and emotions leading into, for example, sadness and distress.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) define mental health as:
‘a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.’
Understanding mental health problems so you can support someone
Mental health problems are common, but that does not mean they should be underestimated. They are nothing to be ashamed of and the right kind of help can be sought if you, your friend or family member feel comfortable enough speaking up. That is why it is important to be there for someone, take them seriously and be sensitive.
Here are some common mental health problems you may be familiar with:
- Anxiety
- Bipolar Disorder
- Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
- Depression
- Loneliness
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Panic Attacks
- Paranoia
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Schizophrenia
- Self-harm
- Stress
For more information on mental health problems and what they mean, Mind have some really great resources on their website.
Being sensitive to mental health problems when supporting your friend
You may well have heard of these mental health problems before, sometimes even in the wrong context. There are a lot of mental health terms that are thrown around, without understanding the seriousness of them. Just be careful when throwing around the terms above in a derogatory way, you never know who around you is truly suffering.
I feel it is really important to raise that, if you have an emotionally strong friend, or a friend who is not showing up to social events, to regularly check in with them. It’s hard when it feels like someone is not making an effort with you – but there may be an underlying issue. Relationships are two way, I completely get that. But when you are suffering from a mental health problem, like anxiety, for example, it is really hard to go to social events and find the energy to speak to people, be sociable or even just step outside the house.
So just be weary of that and I urge you to check in with them. (However, this may not always be the case)
It is hard enough when you suffer from a mental health problem, without people making you feel like it is not serious or normal. It is common – more common than you may think. Throwing these terms around can make you less approachable in the eyes of your friend, family member or colleague who may be suffering. Try to be a little sensitive to those around you and take some time to understand mental health and the problems associated with it. You never know who you may be able to help.
How to spot the signs of someone struggling with their mental health
It is not always obvious if someone is suffering from a mental health problem.
This is because everyone is different, some people are more open than others and some people may be too scared to speak up. Some people may not even know what is going on with themselves.
There are some common changes in behaviour and ones emotional state that may help you spot something not quite right. You have to be open to seeing this.
Some examples include:
- Lack of interest in normal activities
- Lack of appetite
- Lower mood, irritable, tearful, nervous, emotional
- Difficulty trying to concentrate
- Obsessive behaviour
- Avoid situations
- Distressed
- Self harm
What you can do to support someone with their mental health
It is hard when you know someone is not okay, you alone will not be able to provide the solution. There are small things you can do, everyday, to support you and your friend. Just being there for someone can really make a difference.
Listening with love and patience, being supportive and non-judgemental can be instrumental in helping your friend. The key thing here is to not let them feel like they are in this alone, they are not weak and that they have a friend. When your friend feels ready, going to a healthcare professional can be a real turning point for them.
Dos and Don’ts of supporting a friend with their mental health
Mental health can be sensitive. There is a lot of stigma attached to mental health struggles, which makes it hard for people to speak up and seek support. It can be a game changer for anyone who is struggling, if they have a friend they can look to for support. Here are some do’s and don’ts to consider when helping your friend with mental health struggles.
Do
- Listen when they speak to you, the more you listen, the more they may open up
- Regularly check in with people, even the “strong ones”
- Make an effort with them and reach out to them
- Open up the space so they know they are safe to talk to you if they want to and when they feel ready to
- Make time for them, offer to meet for a walk or a coffee, something simple that will take the pressure off what might be overwhelming or difficult conversation for them
- Encourage your friend to seek support and let them know it is okay
- If you feel comfortable sharing your struggles, then do. You’ll help someone understand and let them know they are not alone
- Become familiar with the signs and symptoms of mental health struggles
- Try to be more sensitive towards your friends
- Encourage your friend to be active, go out for walks, practising yoga/meditation (or find what works well for you), fresh air and nature can have a positive impact
- Have hope
In general, it can be helpful to educate yourself on mental health, so you can speak up about it more and open conversations. If you are trying to support your friend with mental health struggles, then specifically learning about their struggles or condition can go a long way. Not only will it help them to feel cared for and supported by you, but it can also help you provide the right support and recognise when urgent or professional help might be needed.
Don’t
- Do not try and diagnose them yourself or guess how they are feeling
- Do not just take ‘I’m fine’ as an answer, ask them if they are okay and mean it when you ask, but also be respectful if they are not ready to open up just yet, remember it is a process
- Do not be judgemental
- Do not speak negatively about mental health problems, you may prevent someone from wanting to open up
- Avoid getting mad at the people that do not go out or do not make much effort
- Do not just tell someone to “man up” or to “get over themselves”
Seek support
It is very important that your friend, family member or colleague seeks the professional help and support they need to get them through this tough time. It is also very important to get help yourself. There are many amazing organisations out there who provide support not only for the person suffering, but also the people around them.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. It may well help you if you are able to talk to someone about what is going on and make sure you keep on top of your own mental health and look after yourself. Supporting someone else is a lot to take on, and you don’t have to do it alone. It also provides you with an opportunity to be a role model to your friend and show them that seeking support is positive and you can get to know the system yourself better. When they are ready, you can help them navigate it for themselves.
Example organisations that offer support
Mind are a charity that provides help and support to those who need it. They have some great resources on their site, as well as inspiring stories from the people they have helped.
Samaritans are an amazing, voluntary organisation that provide a free helpline to those in need. Their helplines are open 24 hours a day to provide a listening ear. Whether it’s yourself or another you are concerned about or if it is before, during or after a crisis, these volunteers are specially trained to help you in any situation.
There are also a number of other ways you can seek support. Here is a list of mental health support lines for quick access. You can also seek support in the form of therapy, hypnotherapy and community based projects. It is important to know that everyone is very different and will need different kinds of support. Talk therapy might be really effective for some people, while intuitive dancing, yoga, meditation, breathing techniques and journalling might be more beneficial for someone else.
How do you support your friends, family members or colleagues?
Leave a Reply