How to Regulate Your Nervous System (& No It Isn’t Just Breathe)

Nervous system regulation has been making the rounds on social media, and it is an important part of being human. When you can understand what it is and its function in your life, it can make you view stress and anxiety in a completely different way.

Your nervous system

Your nervous system is the communication and safety system within your body. It is complex and controls the automatic responses that occur in your body, from breathing and digestion to anxiety.

This post focuses on the part of the nervous system that constantly scans the world around you (and inside you) to answer the question: “am I safe?”

Your body does this automatically, without even thinking.

• Central nervous system (CNS): your brain and spinal cord. Thinking, planning, interpreting.
• Autonomic nervous system (ANS) heart rate, breathing, emotional reactivity.

The function of your nervous system

The main role of your nervous system is survival. It detects danger, signals an alert, mobilises you to respond, conserves energy when overwhelming and helps you to connect with others when safe.

The important thing to remember at this point is that: your nervous system is not based on thinking or logic, but responds to PERCEPTION.

The importance of learning nervous system regulation

According to Deb Dana, who wrote a great book on Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, says that “behaviour is state-dependent”.

This means that:

• You don’t always act logically to a situation, you act depending on the state of your nervous system
• You don’t act the same in every state
• Dysregulation is not something you can think yourself out of
• Many responses are actually PROTECTIVE not FAILURE

Learning how to regulate your nervous system is important to help you:

• Respond to the present situation not as a result of something you learned in the past
• Reduce anxiety, overwhelm and shutdown
• Build resilience and capacity
• Recover from stress

It is important to note here that it is not about never being dysregulated, preventing it and stopping it. Regulating your nervous system is about being able to flow with it, find your way back and build your window of tolerance. It is a normal part of being a human being.

What do you need to learn to regulate your nervous system

Most people jump right into breathing or walking to regulate their nervous systems. These are really excellent ways to do it. But it is also missing a few layers and most importantly, the needs of the individual and the specific state of their nervous system. Depending on your state and situation, there may be things more or less helpful for you when regulating your nervous system.

Deb Dana breaks it down into three key skills.

This starts with AWARENESS.

• Noticing your state
• Tracking your body sensations
• Naming patterns

UNDERSTANDING

• Knowing how your body responses
• Knowing why your body responds the way that it does
• Reframing your symptoms as protection

REGULATION

• Tools to support your nervous system
• Choosing what your body needs in that particular moment

Nervous system regulation and the polyvagal ladder

Polyvagal theory describes three primary states, presented as a ladder. It is helpful to know what these are and what they look like so you can identify your states, so you can then take action to regulate.

For a full breakdown, you can read this post.

What is nervous system regulation

Regulation essentially means giving yourself what you need and supporting your nervous system to move toward safety and connection.

If you drop down to fight or flight, this isn’t bad, but it does mean you should take action. Your body has started the stress cycle, and needs completing with an action. It is ready to fight or run away, a human instinct to a threat. If nothing happens, it can become problematic when stuck here.

It does not mean trying to force calmness on yourself, avoiding things or trying to “fix” yourself.

How to regulate your nervous system

How to regulate your nervous system across the polyvagal ladder. Regulation is state-specific. There can be things that help one person in one state, and things that may worsen or feel impossible for some people in other states.

Regulating sympathetic activation (anxiety, fight/flight mode)

The goal in this state is to discharge excess energy and return to safety.

When you think about what is happening with your body in this state, as per the table above, you can see that your body and mind is quite far away from calm and balance.

Physiologically – what happens to your body in this state is that it is preparing you for action. Your brain signals danger and the stress response is activated. This means the logical part of your brain turns off, hormones are released (e.g. cortisol), your blood is redirected from digestion and towards large muscles (legs, arm), breathing becomes faster, muscles are primed for action and your body releases quick fuel.

It is instinctual and protective. This can first help you to have a little compassion towards yourself and understanding of what is going on with your body. This is why the stress cycle needs completing. You may find it helpful to discharge the energy and by taking an action, you signal safety to your body so it can return back to balance and calm.

When you have so much running through your body, it may be hard to do things like meditate or breathe. But if it works for you, then stick with it.

Helpful tools for regulating fight or flight are most commonly:

• Physical movement (shaking, stretching, walking, cleaning)
• Extending your exhale on your breath (inhale 4, exhale 6)
• Shifting the temperature (e.g. cold water on your face, holding an ice cube)
• Grounding (name 5 things you can see)
• Humming or singing

For some people, it can be helpful to avoid:

• Forcing yourself to be still or quite
• Deep introspection or analysing the situation
• Telling yourself to calm down

Regulating dorsal shutdown (numbness/collapse)

When you feel fatigued and hopeless, moving to do something like walking can feel too much like a jump, which leaves people feeling bad or stuck. This is where identifying your state can be helpful, so the goal with this state is to gently bring yourself and your energy back online.

Helpful tools for regulating dorsal shutdown reponse

• Slow, rhythmic movement
• Warm drinks
• Blankets, cosy set up
• Gentle sensory input (soft music, textured objects)
• Eye contact with safe people
• Small achievable actions

It can be helpful to avoid:

• Pushing yourself to do too much or be productive
• Intense breathwork
• Overstimulation

How to apply nervous system regulation to real life

• Start by just noticing when you are activated, what is triggering you and what states you tend to move between and how that manifests for you
• You can then begin to experiment with different techniques or practices to help you regulate yourself between states
• Learn about the window of tolerance (coming soon) so you can build resilience and become less reactive
• Learn about your conditioning, wiring and unconscious to see what is sitting behind your current state and why certain things are being perceived as a threat
• Strengthen your ventral vagal state

Strengthening ventral vagal (safety and connection)

Of course, you want to learn what helps you return to and stay in this state. It isn’t that you want to be here all the time, but you do want to spend a good amount of time here. It can be helpful to understand what you enjoy and keep you here, and build capacity for regulation and resilience.

Helpful things to get you started are:

• Connected with trusted friends and family
• Laughing
• Singing
• Mindfulness
• Time in nature
• Meaning and joy

Co-regulation

A key insight from Deb Dana is the importance of co-regulation. We learn regulation through connection. When you have safe relationships, feel seen and heard and have a compassionate presence, you can stabilise your nervous system.

Expectations with nervous system regulation

The goal with learning how to regulate your nervous system is to:

• Notice your state
• Understand your responses
• Support your nervous system
• Return to safety more efficiently

Dysregulation isn’t failure – it’s communication.

A simple daily practice for nervous system regulation

Deb Dana suggests that you ask yourself:

• What state am I in right now?
• What does my nervous system need?
• What’s one small thing I can offer it?

That’s regulation.

Regulation beyond tools

Regulation is also about your thoughts, habits, boundaries and overall lifestyle.

Different words and different theories are used when it comes to talking about healing or repairing or regulating your nervous system. I don’t know the right answers, all I can share is what professionals have shared, and what I have experienced.

Some of the most common elements talked about when it comes to a regulated nervous system including:

• Building a foundation of awareness and connecting to your thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, reactions, triggers and your environment
• Working through past traumas and triggers that you become aware off that cause you to react, or are causing a chronically dysregulated nervous system
• Increasing your capacity, or your window of tolerance to coping with stress
• Connecting with other human beings that you trust and support you, connecting with your environment and nature
• Learning to regulate your nervous system by responding to stress is a healthy way and teaching yourself coping mechanisms that will support you in adapting to stress, triggers and change
• Creating a sense of safety and security in your life
• Identifying and setting boundaries
• Identifying and meeting your basic human needs

So linking this back to perception and logic. Even though you might think you are safe, something (maybe in your past or a learned response) is perceiving something in your environment as a threat. But when you understand what your body is doing, it can be helpful in understanding how you can respond, and learn new ways of responding.

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