One minute, you are living your life. Next, you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed and wondering how you can cope.
On the outside, you might even appear functional to everyone else. You are answering emails, you are having conversations with people. But the whole time your chest is tight, your mind is constantly racing and you feel so sensitive as you once again verge on the edge of tears. You are able to care for others who need it, but you are just emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted yourself. Inside, you feel disconnected while at the same time, overwhelmed with too much going on. Anxious, angry, numb or simply just tired of carrying so much heaviness all of the time.
As a psychotherapist, coach, yoga teacher and a messy human being who has personally navigated anxiety, emotional burnout, stress and difficult life seasons, I have learned over time (and the hard way) that coping isn’t about avoiding the pain, getting rid of the emotions of being positive all the time.
Healthy coping is about learning how to support yourself through difficult moments, without completely abandoning yourself.
It isn’t about having it altogether or perfection. It is about having a little compassion for yourself, regulating, recovering, adapting and moving through life.
To help you on your journey, this guide explores what coping really means, why it is so difficult, when they are needed, different coping techniques that genuinely help and how to remember them when emotions run high.
What does coping mean?
Coping refers to the way in which you manage stress, anxiety, uncertainty, emotions, difficult situations and psychological pressure.
Every person has their own way of coping or dealing with things, whether they do this consciously or not.
Some coping strategies can be labelled as more healthy and supportive, while others may be something you learned along the way to keep you safe, but no longer serves you. For example, something that numbs the discomfort, but creates a greater emotional distress or consequence over time.
A “good” coping strategy is going to be personal to you, but it is going to be one that generally helps you to:
- Regulate yourself
- Reduce overwhelm
- Feel calmer or more neutral in your body
- Think a little clearer
- Respond rather than react
- Build resilience
- Flexibility move in and out of stress
- Recover
A “bad” or “unhealthy” coping mechanism is going to be something that:
- Avoids how you are feeling
- Makes you shutdown (prolonged)
- Overwork/over exert yourself
- Substance misuse
- Excessive scrolling or distraction
- Self-isolation
- People please
- Bubble over and outburst
- Constantly be busy
- Talk to yourself negatively
These develop for understandable reasons at some point in your life. They helped you to survive.
Is it possible to change your coping strategies?
Yes. Absolutely. But your coping strategies may not change overnight. They are going to take time, consistency, practice, exposure, failing, recovery, trying and more. Not to put you off, but for some people (like me), it is important to be realistic, as we expect something to change after awareness, but it is not that simple. If you have learned and practiced a way to cope for a long period, you are going to be wired that way. However, we are human beings with the ability to learn new things and create new habits.
When you might need coping strategies
New or different coping strategies might be something you need if you are often feeling emotionally overwhelmed, struggle with stress and anxiety, experience racing thoughts, or react strongly to situations. You might also find that you have difficulty calming down, you resist emotions or you notice symptoms of burnout.
The truth is, there are many different reasons for when and why. The fact that you are here or searching for this answer means there is a reason personal to you. There is no right or wrong answer.
Coping strategies can be helpful for anyone, at any time in their life. Coping might also be used in the context of being able to “deal with things better” or even “regulate yourself”.
This is because nervous system regulation is an important theory to consider here, if you are interested. It states that when our systems are overwhelmed, we shift into fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Also known as ventral vagal state, the sympathetic state and dorsal vagal, or red, yellow, orange and green zones.
When you are activated, and your internal alarm system goes off, you move into one of these states. It is human nature. However, if you don’t have safety, context, choice, resources, or support, then there is a chance that you don’t just flow in and out of these states (like you are supposed to, not avoid them completely) you may go further down the ladder or get stuck.
We each have what is known as a window of tolerance. This is a psychological concept that describes your optimal zone where you can think rationally, process information and function. When activated, you go outside the window (overdrive or shutdown). This window may be thin, meaning you go out of it quickly and on a frequent basis. The window can be expanded, which means you build emotional resilience.
Coping isn’t just for a crisis, it is essential for everyday life and wellbeing.
Important coping strategies you need to know
The most effective coping strategies support both the mind and the body.
As a therapist and a yoga teacher, I have studied in depth just how your nervous system, physical health, thoughts, habits, relationships, environment and more all influence how you cope, it isn’t just purely psychological. Coping strategies usually fall into several categories. Here are some examples.
It is important that you consider these, experiment with them and find what works for you. It can also be helpful to learn more deeply about your nervous system shifts, so that you can identify what you need in different states.
Grounding and calming coping strategies
When stress and anxiety rises, the nervous system can move into fight, flight, freeze or shutdown responses. Grounding and calming techniques help bring you back into the present moment, but helping you to notice your surroundings, and use signals to show your body it is safe.
Breathing is a coping strategy, as you are able to focus on your breath. The breath also changes when you are stressed or anxious, so slowing this down provides your body with a safety signal that you are not in danger.
Breathing as a coping technique doesn’t have to be complicated, simply try breathing intentionally, or with a small count.
For example, breath in for 4 counts, out for 6. Box breathing, or sama vitti is another option: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds. Note, the numbers are examples, and you should adapt accordingly to what feels okay for you.
As simple as breathing sounds, I have seen client completely shift their emotional state by slowing down their breath and breathing consistently. The body often needs addressing before the mind can think clearly.
The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
This grounding exercise helps interrupt anxious spirals by reconnecting you to the present moment.
Notice:
5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Grounding works because anxiety usually pulls attention into the future, while grounding reconnects you to the present.
Movement and yoga
Emotions are not just mental experiences. They are physical experiences too.
Stress, anxiety, and emotional tension often live in the body.
Gentle movement can help release nervous system activation and emotional buildup.
Helpful movement-based coping strategies include:
- Yoga
- Walking
- Stretching
- Dancing
- Shaking out tension
- Breath-led movement
- Spending time outdoors
Personally, yoga became one of the most important coping tools in my own life because it taught me how to feel safe in my body again during stressful periods. But not at first, after trying and getting annoyed in classes, I finally found a type of flow that works for me.
Sometimes healing starts physically before it becomes emotional.
Cold water and sensory reset
Cold water can quickly interrupt intense emotional activation. Or, just a temperature change is good for other people. This is where consideration for your needs comes in handy, so you don’t force yourself into doing something that just makes you more stressed. This awareness will come with time and experimentation.
Helpful techniques include:
- Splashing cold water on your face
- Holding ice cubes
- Stepping outside into cool air
- Taking a cold shower briefly
One I have loved lately, is to get some yummy juice, fill up an ice lolly mould, and then crunch on it!
These techniques can help regulate panic and emotional overwhelm.
You might find it more helpful to opt for a temperature change. This could be stepping out the front door to feel the fresh air on your face, or taking a comforting warm shower.
Supportive self-talk
The way you speak to yourself matters.
During difficult moments, many people become harsh, critical, or catastrophising internally.
Try replacing panic-driven thoughts with grounding statements like:
“I can handle this moment.”
“This feeling will pass.”
“I do not need to solve everything right now.”
“I am safe in this moment.”
“I can take this one step at a time.”
Supportive self-talk is not denial. It is nervous system reassurance. It is not about bypassing how you feel, or trying to talk yourself into something good or positive. It is more about the fact that you CAN’T shame ir sh*t talk yourself into change or feeling better. How would you speak to your mum, a friend, your daughter when they are struggling to cope?
For someone who needs something softer, these are great go tos. It is important to know that you may need different things at different times.
Cognitive and behavioural coping strategies
Cognitive and behavioural coping skills focus on thoughts, reactions, habits, and behaviours.
These strategies can reduce emotional spirals and increase emotional resilience. They might be something that you prefer to do in the moment, or they might be the next step after you have ground yourself, so you can begin to build your foundations for change.
Challenge catastrophic thinking
Anxiety often convinces people that the worst possible outcome is inevitable. This is called catastrophic thinking. First, identifying that you do this is key. Then you can begin to challenge it.
Pause and ask yourself:
- Is this thought definitely true?
- Am I assuming the worst?
- What evidence supports this fear?
- What evidence challenges it?
- What would I say to someone I care about?
This creates psychological flexibility instead of emotional panic.
It also helps if thinking is where you get stuck in the loop. It starts to then turn your cycle into an spiral, where you grow each time to interrupt it, rather than get stuck in the same patterns.
An example resource that can help you is this:
Head to the resources section for worksheets you can download.
Name the emotion
Many people experience emotional overwhelm because they never pause to identify what they are actually feeling. They do everything but. They avoid it, then get sucked into it. Anything.
So, instead of saying:
“I’m losing it.”
Try:
“I feel anxious.”
“I feel rejected.”
“I feel overwhelmed.”
“I feel embarrassed.”
“I feel hurt.”
Naming emotions reduces emotional intensity because it activates the thinking parts of the brain…. and then let yourself feel the feeling. When you do this, you will begin to notice and beginning and an end, and you can better learn how to ride the wave. This one is KEY for intellectualisers!
Remember: coping strategies aren’t to get rid of feelings or avoid triggers.
Break problems into smaller steps
When life feels overwhelming, the brain struggles to process large tasks.
Instead of focusing on everything at once, ask:
“What is the next manageable step?”
Sometimes coping means narrowing your focus dramatically. Stop trying to look at the big picture or analyse everything for a moment. Instead, just the next step.
Behavioural activation
When people feel anxious, low, or emotionally exhausted, they often withdraw from healthy behaviours.
Unfortunately, isolation and avoidance usually worsen emotional distress or reinforce the initial feeling or fear.
Behavioural activation means continuing small supportive actions even when motivation is low.
Examples include:
- Going outside
- Showering
- Eating regularly
- Attending therapy
- Calling someone supportive
- Moving your body
- Keeping routines
One of the most important psychological truths is this:
Action often creates motivation, not the other way around.
It can also help to give ourselves choice, which is vital for your body to be able to feel safe.
It also helps the loop shown above.
Healthy boundaries
Boundaries are one of the most underrated coping strategies and actually, poor boundaries may be the reason you are overwhelmed or not feeling like you are able to cope in the first place.
Without boundaries, stress, resentment, emotional exhaustion, and burnout grow quickly.
Healthy boundaries may sound like:
“I cannot commit to that right now.”
“I need some space.”
“I’m not available for this conversation.”
“I need rest.”
“That does not work for me.”
Boundaries protect emotional wellbeing.
They are necessary. They are not selfish. It is also another way to give ourselves choice, which is vital for your body to be able to feel safe.
Daily habits and lifestyle coping strategies
The things that you engage in on a daily basis are going to directly influence your nervous system and emotional regulation.
Many people search for quick emotional fixes while ignoring the lifestyle patterns contributing to stress and anxiety. This is really important, as any of the tips above, for example, may be helpful. But if you are doing things that are not, and continue to live in toxic and high stress envrionments, then that may need looking at…. However, this isn’t always easy. We live in a society with bad events, cost of living crisis’ and so much more, which can make it difficult to step away from. Some people live in difficult famliy situations they are unable to leave. So this step might not be possible right now, or easy. That is where some of the below, and going back to basics can help you to b uild your own foundations and resilience.
Small daily habits matter more than most people realise.
Sleep
Poor sleep affects everything. For example:
- Emotional regulation
- Stress tolerance
- Anxiety levels
- Mood
- Focus
- Irritability
Protecting sleep is one of the most effective mental health strategies available.
Helpful sleep habits include:
- Reducing screen time before bed
- Keeping consistent sleep schedules
- Limiting caffeine late in the day
- Creating calming evening routines
- Reducing overstimulation at night
Nutrition and hydration
The body and mind are deeply connected.
Low blood sugar, dehydration, and inconsistent eating patterns can worsen anxiety, emotional reactivity, and stress.
Supporting physical wellbeing supports emotional coping too.
Regular movement
Exercise helps regulate stress hormones and improve emotional resilience. It is a great way, when you are activated, to discharge the energy that is going through your body. It is a great option when meditating or grounding just doesn’t feel accessible to you, because you feel too wired or can’t sit sstill.
When you look at this from a nervous system lens, you may have dropped into your fight or flight mode, which means you actual physiology has changed adnn you have stress chemicals going through your body that may need some kind of movement or action to complete the cycle.
This does not need to mean intense workouts.
Even gentle movement helps:
- Walking
- Yoga
- Stretching
- Swimming
- Cycling
- Dancing
Consistency matters more than intensity.
Reducing overstimulation
Modern life overloads the nervous system constantly.
Notifications, social media, endless comparison, bad news cycles, and constant productivity pressure can increase emotional overwhelm.
Sometimes coping means reducing input.
You do not need to consume everything.
Why not create a safe space? For example, curl up on the sofa with just one media source, like your favourite comfort show?
Human connection
Emotional regulation improves through safe connection.
Supportive relationships help nervous systems feel safer and calmer.
This may include:
- Friends
- Therapy
- Coaching
- Community
- Family
- Support groups
Humans are not designed to cope entirely alone.
Other healthy coping mechanisms
Different coping tools work for different people.
Additional healthy coping strategies include:
- Journalling
- Meditation
- Creative expression
- Listening or playing music
- Art
- Reading
- Gardening
- Time in nature
- Structured routines
- Crying
- Rest
- Laughter
- Mindfulness
- Therapy
- Breathwork
The goal is not emotional avoidance.
The goal is emotional support. This might be via your structure and routines, or the way you resource yourself in a moment.
Finding your own coping mechanisms
Not every coping strategy works for every person.
Part of emotional growth is learning what genuinely helps your unique nervous system feel supported.
Ask yourself:
What helps me feel calmer?
What helps me feel emotionally safe?
What activities regulate my body?
What worsens my anxiety?
What environments feel restorative?
What patterns leave me emotionally drained?
You can use more specific anxiety journal prompts if needed to explore that deeper.
Healthy coping is deeply personal.
The best coping mechanisms are the ones that support your long-term wellbeing rather than simply numbing discomfort temporarily.
I like to approach it in different ways.
You need to build your foundations and resilience, so your habits and behaviours become long-term and sustainable. However, there is a place for short-term, in the moment strategies that you can call on in the moment. You want a blend of them both, with the expectations that they do different things, serve different purposes and can take time to start taking effect.
A healthy coping strategy usually:
- Helps regulate emotions
- Supports physical and mental health
- Builds resilience
- Reduces harm
- Improves relationships
- Increases self-awareness
Some might not help you instantly, but after time, they do.
Some might help you change gears, until you have calmed down and can re approach and deal with the situation.
There is not a one size fits all approach. I think this is important, so we move away from trying to find the quick fix or hack. Sometimes the reality is, we need to TEACH our bodies that what we are doing will benefit us, and practice it more than once to start seeing small benefits.
How to remember coping strategies in the moment
One of the biggest challenges is remembering coping skills when emotions are intense.
When the nervous system becomes overwhelmed, logical thinking becomes less accessible.
It isn’t you. It isn’t that you can’t do it or keep failing.
This is why coping strategies need practice, not just information.
You are training your nervous system.
Create a coping toolkit
Write down coping strategies that help you. Be as weird or whimsical about it as you can. Remember, this will change and evolve overtime as you learn more about yourself.
Keep them:
- In your phone
- On sticky notes
- In a journal
- On your bedside table
- As reminders or screenshots
During stressful moments, your brain may struggle to remember what helps.
External reminders matter.
Practise when calm
Don’t always wait until panic or overwhelm appears to practise coping skills.
The more often you use grounding, breathing, movement, and regulation techniques during calm moments, the easier they become during stressful ones. You will learn to better recall them in stressful moments. You will also naturally help to build your own resilence, presence and window of tolerance at the same time.
Use visual reminders
Helpful reminders may include:
- Calm playlists
- Breathing reminders
- Affirmation cards
- Grounding objects
- Journals
- Photos
- Reminder alarms
Visual cues in themselves can help interrupt emotional spirals. You just have to remember them ; )
Keep coping simple
When emotions are intense, complicated coping strategies often fail.
Focus on:
- One big breath
- One grounding exercise
- One supportive thought
- One safe person
- One next step
You don’t need to solve your entire life in one moment.
Healthy coping becomes easier with support.
Build Support Around You
Therapy, coaching, friendships, community, and emotionally safe relationships all strengthen resilience.
Humans regulate through connection. It is our nature.
And I’m not going to sit here and pretend it is easy to make friends, especially as you get older. So if that is the case, what about a community-based hobby? A fitness class, for example?
Final thoughts on coping strategies as a therapist and coach
Coping is not weakness.
It also isn’t about avoiding things.
Needing rest, support, boundaries, emotional regulation, or healing tools does not mean you are failing.
It means you are human.
Healthy coping is not about becoming emotionally unaffected by life.
It is about learning how to stay connected to yourself during difficult experiences instead of abandoning yourself in survival mode.
There will always be stress, uncertainty, grief, conflict, and emotional challenges in life.
But with healthy coping strategies, nervous system support, emotional awareness, and self-compassion, it becomes possible to move through difficult seasons with greater steadiness and resilience.
You do not need to cope perfectly.
You only need to keep returning to yourself, one moment at a time.
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